He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
