We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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