who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
