so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
