If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
