So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
