Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
