I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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