I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
