i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
