WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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