i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we're making bets on your personal life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
