I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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