I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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