My hand turned me down
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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