I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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