Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
