Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
