Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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