connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
