my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
