I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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