I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I see more hoeing in ur future
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
