you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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