3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
