Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
