I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
