i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
