To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
