My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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