kristin has been a bad kristin
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
