The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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