I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
