Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
