I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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