I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize