Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
