did you get engaged???
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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