Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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