Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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