My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
