You made me cry and you don't even care
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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