So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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