Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
