I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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