So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
