ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
