I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
