you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
