there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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