I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
