WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize