glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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