OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
