My first STD was from a foam party
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
a search helicopter?!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
