she woke up with a sticky ear
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
