please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
