just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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