JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize