Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
