Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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